If it's not writer's block, then what is it?

For the past couple of weeks I've been visiting my blog with every intention of actually writing a post... but then I just end up sitting there, staring at the blank screen, waiting for inspiration to strike. 

It never does. 

It's like my mind is completely empty. The itch is still there every day, nagging me, drawing my fingers to the paper, but as soon as I'm there all of the creativity just seeps out of me and I have no idea what to write. 

I know a lot of people don't believe in writer's block, but I am not one of them. What else could I use to describe my complete lack of inspiration? I do agree that it's something one creates for themselves though. I take full responsibility for this wall that has been put up in my mind, and I fully intend on breaking it down, very soon! Just as soon as I figure out why I put it there in the first place. 

~A

Nothing seems original anymore...

I thought I had this completely awesome and original idea for my first novel, but the more I outlined and gave life to my characters, the more it felt like something that had already been done before. I still want to write the story because I have already fallen in love with the idea, but I also want to write something that hasn't been written before (I guess that's what everyone says, right?). So I have decided I am going to scrap what I already have and start fresh. I'll still keep the basic idea (it's mostly the setting that I have my heart set on), and just change the story line. 

I'm starting to fear that there is not an original idea left in this world... it's ALL been done before... repeatedly! At least in the genre that I am interested in anyways, which is YA fantasy/dystopian/paranormal etc. It's such a played out genre, but it's what I love so I am determined to create something new and fresh. I'm just worried that my mind is being influenced by things that I have already read...

Maybe I'm just over-thinking it. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy (cliche, I know. But let's face it, what isn't a cliche anymore?).

~A

The most beautiful thing I've ever heard...

I just needed to share this poem by Shane Koyczan called "To This Day". I'm not usually one for poetry, but my husband came home from work this morning and made me listen to this. It seriously brought tears to my eyes. 

Be kind to people, don't waste your life being angry. Try to see the beauty in the world.

~A

PS: It's pretty long, but it's definitely worth it!

Our month without television...

So the problem with my family is that we've all become so dependent on technology for our entertainment. At the risk of sounding really old (because I'm really not), when I was a kid I didn't have things like cable, or internet, or cell phones, or tablets. We did have a Sega Genesis though... so we were pretty cool! My point is, is that I had to find other ways to entertain myself, and guess what? I was NEVER bored! I was always running around outside, riding my bike, or hiking, or building a tree fort with my friends. On rainy days I would read a book, or write a story, or even go out and play in the rain. It doesn't kill you, you know! 

I hate that modern technology has crippled our abilities to enjoy the world we live in. I actually wrote a research paper on it for my English class, but it's really long so I won't bore you with all of the details. But what I learned from my research really freaked me out. My son is almost 2 1/2 and he barely talks yet. Honestly, I haven't been too worried about it because he understands what we say to him and he finds alternative ways to communicate with us. But I know that the amount of time we all spend watching T.V. has to be having a huge effect on him, and could even be slowing down his development. 

So, because we are all so addicted to the T.V. we have completely taken it down. Our living room now consists of a couch, a recliner, and an empty entertainment center! We are planning on living like this for at least a month, maybe longer if it goes well. And so far it has been incredibly refreshing, and I have been able to get a ton of work done around the house, and my son is now able to throw his tantrums because it's time to go inside, not because it's time to turn off the T.V.! Seriously, I would much rather drag him kicking and screaming away from a fun day spent fishing and kayaking on the lake.

I am excited about this, and I really hope that we decide not to put the television back up. This will also be a good opportunity to work on the idea I have for my first book. I've started writing an outline, but it's hard to find time to write. My son naps for about two hours during the day, which is my time alone to do my own thing, which usually consists of housework and showering. By the time I get all of my chores done and I am finally able to sit down and write, he wakes up! Then I think to myself, oh well, I'll just write tonight after he goes to bed... but by that time I am so tired that my brain just stops functioning (I am not a night person). 

People say that if you want it bad enough, you'll make it happen. And I do, I want it really bad. I feel like if I don't write it down now, than someone else is going to beat me to it and steal it right out from under me. 

My goal during this month of no T.V. is to find time to write, even if that means drinking a pot of coffee and staying up until 2 am. It will happen, because that is what I want. 

~A

Public Speaking...

Today was the very last day of my first semester of college. I had my English final today, which consisted of getting up in front of the class and reading something that we had written... and let's just say, I was a WRECK! I have this completely crippling fear of public speaking, and the fact that it was only a small classroom with twenty or so students did NOTHING to calm my nerves. My story won 4th place in the contest so I ended up being one of the first to read, which means that I didn't have time  to totally psych myself out. 

Let's back track slightly. Our final assignment was to write a contest entry. It could be about anything we wanted, as long as it displayed our knowledge of what we had learned throughout the semester. I decided to write a fictional story about finishing the Boston marathon. I grew up in Massachusetts and the horrible event that took place in Boston this year really shook me up. I spent a long time wondering how it must have affected the thousands of people that were there that day. So many people were unable to finish the race that they had spent months (or even years) preparing for, and the ones that were able to finish had a victory that was cut short by tragedy. Then I saw a news article about some runners who wanted to go back to finish the race. I decided that was what I wanted to do: I wanted to finish the race. And that is what I did. My story follows a woman as she runs the last mile of the marathon, and the victory she feels as she crosses the finish line. 

So anyways, as I said before, my entry won 4th place in the contest (Yay!), which meant that I was chosen 2nd to read aloud in front of the class. I had spent the whole day giving myself a pep talk about how it wouldn't be so bad. Just get up there and read, that's all you have to do. But when the teacher called my name my heart jumped into my throat and I thought I was going to die. Luckily there was a podium for us to stand behind so I was able to hide the violent shaking of my hands, but there was no hiding the nervous tremor in my voice. My chest started constricting and I felt like I needed to gasp for breath, which made reading extremely difficult. I kept thinking to myself, "when is this going to be over?" And then, after what felt like an eternity, it was over. I had managed to get through it unscathed and only slightly humiliated, and with my face feeling like it was on fire I was able to return to my seat. 

So no, public speaking is definitely NOT my thing. 

Ironically (or maybe not, I still don't get the whole ironic thing) I am signed up to take a public speaking class this summer... trust me though when I say that the ONLY reason I am taking it during the summer is because a) it is a required course, and b) the summer class is only 1 day a week for 5 weeks. I would MUCH rather get it over with in just 5 classes, instead of prolonging the torture. 

So yeah, that's something fun to look forward to this summer.... 

~A

The beginning...

I wish I could say that I've always known I wanted to be a writer... But I can't. I can say though, that I've always loved writing. There has always been something so appealing about sitting down with a pen and paper (that's right, some people still use them) and letting myself get lost in a story. It's like a whole other world that I can go to and do whatever I want. If I want to travel the world, all I have to do is pick up the pen and I'm off to some foreign land. Who wouldn't want to do that?

I have only recently discovered that this is what I want to do with my life. I literally just woke up one day and said to my husband "I want to be a writer". I have spent the last four years trying to figure out who I am. I refused to believe that I was destined to be a stay-at-home mom for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love love love being a mom, I just needed to do something more with my life. I knew I wanted to go back to college, I just didn't want to go without knowing what it was I wanted to do. So I spent years trying to discover what else I could do with my life and one day it just hit me, and it seemed so obvious. I write all the time for fun anyways, but for some unknown reason it never occurred to me that I could make a career out of it (how stupid is that). English was my best subject in high school (or more like it was the only subject I cared about enough to do the work), so I immediately decided to enroll in the local community college and work towards a bachelor's degree in English. I didn't want to waste any more time, and the few months that I had to wait to start classes were excruciating.

Finally the time came for school to start and my stomach was in knots. I hadn't been to school in seven years, what if I wasn't any good? What if I didn't like it? There was one other adult student in my English class and we latched onto each other before we even entered the room and quickly became friends. Our teacher was young, maybe a few years older than me, and fresh out of college. She was also a writer, and I was excited to be taught by her. 

After turning in my first assignment (a narrative essay about a moment in our lives that has helped form us) I became nervous. This was the first time anyone had ever read anything personal that I had written, and I spent the next few days checking my e-mail every two minutes to see if she had graded it yet. The e-mail came a couple weeks later (ugh, longest two weeks of my life!), and the feedback was great. She said she had really enjoyed it and asked if I was interested in publishing any of my work. She sat down with me before class one day and gave me a bunch of resources to look into. This was the moment that I was reassured about my abilities as a writer. It's different hearing positive comments from somebody that isn't my husband and it gave me the extra boost I needed. My doubts vanished and I could actually start picturing this happening. 

So here I am today, my first semester of college is over and I am starting this blog simply because I love to write, and what better place to do that than right here? I've got an exciting idea for my first novel, but I am having some trouble getting it started. I know what I want to write, but as soon as I sit down to do so I just come up blank. So I'm hoping that this will help me expand my writing abilities and also help me break through this wall that I keeping building up in front of myself.

I'm sure nobody is going to be reading any of this, but that's okay. Right now I am just happy writing for myself!

~A